In our fast-paced, complex world, we often juggle multiple roles and responsibilities. This constant balancing act can leave us emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. One way to regain emotional equilibrium is by cultivating the Four Immeasurables—qualities from Buddhist teachings designed to foster inner peace, compassion, and connection with others.
These four qualities are loving-kindness (Metta), compassion (Karuna), sympathetic joy (Mudita), and equanimity (Upekkha).
When nurtured, they can act as pillars of wellbeing and emotional balance. However, we must also be mindful of their "far" and "near" enemies—emotional states that either oppose or mimic these qualities but ultimately lead us away from true peace.
Let’s explore each immeasurable, its far and near enemies, and how to apply them to enhance your wellbeing and mental health.
1. Loving-Kindness (Metta)
Loving-kindness is an unconditional love for all beings, starting with yourself. It’s the ability to wish for the happiness of others without expecting anything in return.
Far Enemy: The far enemy of loving-kindness is hatred or ill-will. When we harbour resentment or bitterness toward others (or even ourselves), it blocks our ability to experience true love and connection.
Near Enemy: The near enemy is attachment. While attachment may feel like love, it is conditional and self-serving. It’s based on what we get out of the relationship, leading to clinging or possessiveness, rather than genuine care for another’s wellbeing.
Application for Wellbeing: We may sometimes mistake attachment for love in relationships. Practicing loving-kindness means focusing on healthy, unconditional love—both for ourselves and others. Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or even in how we care for ourselves, setting boundaries and recognizing when we’re attaching expectations to our actions can lead to more balanced emotional health.
2. Compassion (Karuna)
Compassion is the deep desire to alleviate the suffering of others. It goes beyond sympathy; it’s an active, empathetic response to someone’s pain.
Far Enemy: The far enemy of compassion is cruelty. This is the outright dismissal or disregard for another’s suffering, often coming from a place of anger or judgment.
Near Enemy: The near enemy is pity. Pity may look like compassion on the surface, but it stems from a sense of superiority or separation from the person suffering. Instead of true empathy, pity reinforces a power dynamic where we may subconsciously feel "above" the other person.
Application for Wellbeing: As caregivers, many women are naturally compassionate, but it’s important to ensure we’re practicing compassion and not pity—especially toward ourselves. Compassion involves being present with our own pain and that of others, without judgment or the need to "fix" things. By cultivating self-compassion, we avoid spiralling into self-pity or harsh self-criticism, both of which harm our mental health.
3. Sympathetic Joy (Mudita)
Sympathetic joy is the ability to take genuine happiness in the success and joy of others. It’s the opposite of envy, allowing us to celebrate others’ achievements as if they were our own.
Far Enemy: The far enemy of sympathetic joy is jealousy or envy. When we feel envious, we are trapped in comparison and competitiveness, believing that another’s success somehow diminishes our own.
Near Enemy: The near enemy is exuberance or overexcitement. While it may seem positive, exuberance can lead to superficial joy that isn’t grounded in genuine empathy or connection with others.
Application for Wellbeing: In a society that often encourages competition —whether in terms of career success, physical appearance, or family life—it can be hard to cultivate genuine joy for others. Practicing sympathetic joy helps dismantle the toxic comparison cycle. Instead of feeling threatened by another’s happiness, we can nurture a sense of abundance, knowing there’s enough success, love, and joy to go around for everyone.
4. Equanimity (Upekkha)
Equanimity is a calm, balanced state of mind. It’s the ability to remain steady and undisturbed by life’s highs and lows, maintaining peace in the midst of challenges or emotional upheavals.
Far Enemy: Agitation or anxiety is the far enemy of equanimity. When we’re caught up in worry or overwhelm, we lose our sense of inner calm.
Near Enemy: The near enemy is indifference. While equanimity involves non-attachment, indifference can appear similar but is actually a form of emotional withdrawal or apathy, where we stop caring altogether.
Application for Wellbeing: Women often carry the emotional weight of others—whether through family, work, or social roles. Equanimity offers a way to stay present without being consumed by the emotional turbulence around us. This balance can greatly benefit our mental health, allowing us to stay engaged without burning out or becoming detached from what truly matters.
Integrating the Four Immeasurables into Daily Life
Mindfulness: Regularly check in with your emotional state. Are you experiencing attachment or true loving-kindness? Is there pity hiding behind your compassion? By cultivating awareness, you can make subtle but powerful shifts in how you interact with yourself and others.
Meditation: Set aside time for meditation focused on the Four Immeasurables. During meditation, reflect on the far and near enemies and how they may show up in your life. This practice helps train your mind to embrace loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity in a genuine way.
Self-Compassion Practice: Incorporate self-compassion into your routine. As women, we often take on the caretaker role for others, but it’s essential to nurture ourselves, too. Recognize when you’re being harsh with yourself or when self-pity is creeping in. Cultivate gentleness and forgiveness in your internal dialogue.
The Four Immeasurables offer a blueprint for emotional balance and mental wellbeing. Understanding their far and near enemies, we can avoid emotional pitfalls and cultivate genuine loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. Doing so creates a more balanced, compassionate life for ourselves and those around us.
In your journey toward wellbeing, ask yourself: how can I bring more of these qualities into my daily life? How can I release the near enemies that may be holding me back from a fuller, richer experience of life? You’ll find a deeper sense of peace, connection, and emotional resilience by reflecting on these questions.
We will be exploring all of this in this evening's Pause The Week session in Kettering.
This weekly session runs every Wednesday between 7.30 and 8.30 at The Midwives Circle and Wellness Centre in Kettering. It is a donation-based offering, and you can find out more here. There are a maximum of 8 people, so it is a small and very welcoming group.
Comments